this is what i looked like (lights match)

Me to Bill Cosby: Who died and made you the oldest African American Stand-up comedian in America?
Bill Cosby to Me: Dave Chappelle?
Me to Bill Cosby: No he just went to take a "vacation" because of all the stress of Chappelle show. Think, Bill, think!!!
Bill Cosby to Me: Was he from Philly like me?
Me to Bill Cosby: Damnit, Bill! No, he was from Peoria, Illinois. But he became famous like you did talking about racism and important issues like that.
Bill Cosby to Me: Oh shit! My man Richard Pryor is dead?
Me to Bill Cosby: yup. I'm sorry but I can really only tell famous people about other famous people's deaths in joke form.
Bill Cosby to Me: Thats fucked up!
Me to Bill Cosby: Boy Howdy.

Faulty Product

There is something that upsets me to this day. There is a product for men that has been made for years. Once it gets stained you can never remove said stain. This product:

White Underwear

I mean if you don’t wipe well once, you're fucked! There is gonna be doo doo stains in those undies forever. It’s just like when you spill mustard on a white shirt. That yellow isn't going anywhere. I guess people should just realize that it’s a bad buy. For example, if my mom picked up my skid-marked unmentionables off the ground and noticed evidence of bad wiping she probably would blame herself for not teaching me how to wipe properly. Then I would feel ashamed.

So Join EDWUC - the "End Distribution of White Underwear Coalition" to help prevent this problem.

Hollywood always wins

I was trying to think of an incredibly offensive post. Then I remembered a movie poster i saw at the theatre recently when i was seeing Doom. I noticed Johnny Knoxville in a ridiculous outfit. Then i noticed a man with a sloping forehead. I realized the actor was indeed, mentally retarded. Now, I thought, "Wow that’s fucking terrible!" and someone consciously (still up for debate) decided that this was a great idea. If you wanna know how deep this plot goes this badass website for movies has just this for the plot:

"This comedy is about two guys who decide to rig the Special Olympics to pay off a debt by having one of them, Steve (Knoxville), pose as a contestant in the games, hoping to dethrone reigning champion, Jimmy. Mentally-challenged high jinks and hilarity surely follow." - IMDB.com

-First off, impersonating retarded kids. Terrible.
-Now, I realize that they are in debt, but last time i checked the Special Olympics doesn't hand out oversized million dollar checks. PLOTHOLE.
-"high jinks" - yeah that sounds neat! All the kids are gonna be down with something as dangerous as "high jinks." Fuck that!

Now, I try to be as offensive as possible but this wins. Millions will watch this. Only 5 people read this website. Give me several million dollars and I can make everyone hate you, too. I'll do it more publicly though. Like pictures of Johnny hugging Osama and stomping on Jew babies on billboards. Maybe Johnny stomping on Pat Morita's grave. That would get it.

Stings like a bee

After looking at him 30 or so years later, did Ali really do that good?

Ralph Macchio...

Me to Daniel LaRusso: Hey, you jerk! Who died and made you the most famous actor in Karate Kid, the popular movie from 1984 when a super- nerd, aka you, beats the biggest badass in school in a karate tournament and gets the girl.
Daniel LaRusso to Me: Pat Morita.
Me to Daniel LaRusso: But Mr. Miyagi taught you everything you know.
Daniel LaRusso to Me: Fuck him.
Me to Daniel LaRusso: You are a heartless bastard.