You probably dont care but

While i was changing channels on my tv today, i came across gilmore girls and it brought back the memory of the fact i really used to like that show. I spend many tuesday nights watching to see what wacky antics loralie and rorrie were getting themselves into. Probably two seasons worth.

Hey Bartender

Me: Hey bartender I need a drink
Bartender: Yeah what you want?
Me: Well what did that baldish blonde guy get?
Bartender: Oh that sick fuck, he got a Heath Ledger.
Me: Ah, I dont like those. I alsways have to get a redbull after one of them to wake me back up. I think I'll have a Jonathan Brandis.
Bartender: Whats in that?
Me: A glass of wine, An accutane pill, and seven feet of rope.

You probably dont care but...

Since we have 0-1 readers (thanks joseph), i might as well tell the truth. I really need to find more friends or a girlfriend up here in columbia. Tonight, January 23, the following happened:
1 I took a huge nasty shit and it smelled to high heavens and since i ahve no one else here to appreciate it, I said to my cat, "Layla, come smell this shit, its horrible!" Who says that to a cat?
2. While watching american idol the following was said, "Holy Shit, Layla, come here and look at that black girls tits, they're huuuuuuge!!!" I was of coarse referring to the not so talented Aretha that did not go through to Hollywood.
Anyway these arent really that funny but now that we are doing the blog more it might be therapeutic to tell people the truth about things in my life. Ill call it, You probably couldnt care less but..."
One more " You probably couldnt care less but..."- I really like those two songs Fergie came out with in the last 6 months. I literally search the radio stations to gind "big girls dont cry" and her other one that i dont know what it is called i really like too. Maybe not as much as BGDC but shit how can anyone top that?

Peace Bitches

Step it up guys

I'm really sick of all these guys watching these gay ass chick flicks. Its like step up man have some balls. You sound like such a homo when you get called and are like "yeah me and my girlfriend are gonna stay in and watch bridges over madison county tonight...soory man, chick flick."
I think as men we need to be manly and when your girl asks you to stay in just say "no, sorry, chick flicks are gay, i'm going to patricks and watching a dick flick."

if the other doesnt work

"Hey beautiful, I put the penis in happenis"

Another Drink Recipe

A shot with flat Coke and pubic hair on top is referred to as an Al Sharpton.

Yo Bartender

Me: Yo bartender, Let me get a Heath Ledger!
Tony the bartender: What is that?
Me: It's two parts vodka, one part Chambord and 60 sleeping pills

Why are people still eating that?

I was just sitting around using my new PHATtop, which is what i refer to my laptop as. See I just got a new computer and I have never owned a laptop.

But back to the point. Why in the fart are people still eating pigs feet? I mean its the hoof of a gross animal that stomps around in its own dook all day. Why would you take a turd-covered hoof and put it in a two gallon jar with vinegar and hot sauce and eat it. I have personally never tried them mostly because I eat bacon. Not bacon's feet. Unless its Kevin Bacon. But even then I would be hesitant.

Are people still that poor? I think I would prefer to eat Ramen noodles and a can of corn if I were that poor. I take that back. I KNOW i would prefer to eat Ramen noodles and a can of corn.

It's an injustice and needs to stop. Who's with me!!!!

Never appropriate

It is never appropriate to refer to MLK day as James Earl Ray Day.

Mikeo Drift

After watching "Fast and the Furious, Tokyo Drift" I realize the following things are cooler than driving:
Drifting

Inevitability

My new pickup line:
"Hey, you wanna be best friends now? Or do you want to go through an awkward period before that happens?"

True or False #1

1) Chinese and/or Japanese people find this well-known rhyme funny?

Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these.

False

2) Chinese people find this acceptable?

Me Chinese, Me play joke, Me put pee pee in your coke!

True?

Pearly Blanks

Ever notice how people refer to teeth as pearly whites? I think that's kind of crazy seeing as how most people have some sort of yellow tint on their teeth. I will now refer to those as "Pearly Yellows."

I know what you're thinking, "Stuart, doesn't 'pearly' typically mean white?" Yes. But if it's a huge problem, refer to them as "buttery yellows."

It's been 14 months since we've posted but Mike and I are back, so deal with it.